DONNIEE!

Unusual spelling.  

Why two n's and two e's?  

Why Donniee? 

Are you sure it's not Dorothy? 

Or Dotty?  

Dolly?  

I'm sure that's not the name they called you in high school. 

Are you ashamed of your real name?  

Who are you trying to be? 

Well, I am not calling you Donniee.  

It all kinda strange to me. 

I was born, so I heard, Dorothena. But there's also a birth certificate with my name spelled Dorotheo.  My biological family swears its Dorothea.  I don't know guys, don't know what to make of all of this.

Too bad I couldn't ask my mother, who died before I could ask her much of anything.  Like, WHAT-WAS-UP-WITH-YOU-LADY???  I wonder what she intended and what did she actually write down on some government paper or two.

For my young life, I was indeed called Darlene. (Looked it up and it means darling). Well that's real deep.  And I guess I would accept it if I knew where it came from.  I found out I had a sister named Darlene, who died. Got hit by a bus.  Won't be walking in her shoes, I hope.  

I guess if you don't know me you could figure out that I was adopted.  I've come to the conclusion that the social worker confused me with the dead sister, I don't know.  My family isn't quite sure either.  So, Darlene it was.

However, I got older.  Started to have a desire to find my place in the world.  High school wasn't all that much fun for me.  I never quite found a place to belong, never quite bonded with anyone.  There were also other, really private, really personal, really awful things going on too.  

The teenage Darlene's life sucked some.

College.

I wanted to do something to reinvent myself.  Didn't want to just take what was given. Wanted to claim something, you know?  Day three of freshman year. Finally someone talked to me.  "What's your name?" was finally asked.

All of sudden I saw my big chance.  Do I say, in the mousy unsure way I had, that my name was Darlene, second cousin to Dorothy of the Wizard of Oz?  I didn't know any famous Darlene's. I didn't know any confident Darlene's.  I sure as hell didn't know any Darlene's that I could look up to.  In my head, who the hell wanted to be a Darlene anyway?  I didn't.

I thought and thought and thought in those 20 seconds it took to answer.  I liked girls with boy names. I had recently met a Frankie. Boy was she cool.  I knew a Sam.  Don't dare call her Samantha. I have heard of girls with names like Andy, Pauley and even a Joey.  Great names!

At that moment I knew I was not going to say Darlene and I knew I was not going to take the time to say Dorothena and then have to pronounce it the way I liked or explain where it came from.  My name/names did start with a D.  Hmmm. Dory?  Nah, that's more girlie than I preferred.  Dee? Yuck!  Deedee? Even worse.

"Do you have a name or what?" he asked, looking at me in that "are you a weirdo or what" kind of look I knew only too well.  "Oh, sorry, I was thinking of something.  My name is Donniee.  Two N's and two E's".  

"Alright Donniee with two n's and two e's.  See you around."  

I could not have been more happy.  I was Donniee, new girl in town, new girl in my body. New beginnings, or so I hoped.

Years later and I am still Donniee.  Two n's and two e's.  There's no rhyme or reason to the name or the spelling.  Just Donniee.  

Had I been a little more thoughtful or even somewhat spiritual back then, I would have taken a bit more time to find a name that spoke to who I wanted to be, a characteristic I'd like to encompass, something with meaning:  

Dae=greatness. 

Dahna=respectful. 

Dakota =Friend/ally.

Oh well, Donniee still suits me fine.  I'll give more spiritual meaning, forethought to my future child's name.